(NAPSI)\u2014If you or someone you care for is ever among America\u2019s more than 2 million military personnel or in their families\u2014or even if you\u2019re not\u2014here\u2019s a story you may find inspiring:<\/p>\n
Betty Towler met her husband, U.S. Army Sergeant First Class Nigel Towler, over 20 years ago while stationed in Korea. When they returned stateside, Towler made a professional sacrifice for her family.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI had to leave the military because my husband was deploying. We already had two kids.\u201d<\/p>\n When her husband returned from Iraq in 2005, Towler started noticing changes.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cHe was with us all the time when he came back. He wanted to hang out with his family, but he was drinking and that wasn\u2019t normal.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Towler had her hands full, raising two children with another on the way and impending permanent change of station orders to Germany. A month later, her husband deployed a second time to Iraq.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWe all felt it when he came back the second time. He would be there, but he was not there. The TV would be on, but he wasn\u2019t watching it. His mind was somewhere else,\u201d Towler recalls. \u201cWe could be sitting on the couch and he\u2019s on one end and I\u2019m on the other and it\u2019s like an awkward but a very scary silence. It was like a void. And I felt I could fall into this darkness, and nobody was going to come for me, and nobody was going to help me.\u201d<\/p>\n Towler said she tried seeking help but found little support as a dependent overseas. They turned to religion, but that didn\u2019t bring her family the solace they were seeking either. When they returned stateside in 2011, little had changed.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cEverything was just so overwhelming,\u201d Towler said. \u201cAll the things people were telling us to do, all the appointments. It was all too much. Even visiting with family: he hears everybody being loud, laughing and his brain was like, \u2018I can\u2019t do this. There are too many conversations going on at the same time. I love them but I can\u2019t be around them. It\u2019s too chaotic,\u2019 he said. He\u2019d be down for 2 to 3 days trying to recover from just hanging out with other adults.\u201d<\/p>\n Then in 2020, the COVID-19 pandemic occurred, but their family was largely unaffected. In fact, Towler sees it as a blessing. It gave them time to focus on their health.<\/p>\n \u201cI signed up for a lot of webinars and a lot of online courses,\u201d she shared.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n One of these resources was the American Red Cross Military and Veteran Caregiver Network (MVCN), a secure, online community that acts as both a resource directory and peer support network to over 12,000 military-affiliated caregivers. Using evidence-based peer-support programs, caregivers connect, share knowledge, learn new skills, and gain hope. Towler found support and solace from others just like her. Empowered by her newfound communities, she exercised her voice.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWe had to set boundaries. I was like, no, we need to tell them that we can only do two or three appointments in one week. It was too much. I had to learn to speak up, speak up for him and speak up for us.\u201d<\/p>\n Now a Red Cross volunteer, Towler has been involved with the MVCN for the past five years, giving support to other military-affiliated caregivers going through the same challenges she did.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWe have about four calls a month. We\u2019ll have some Zooms and some Slack chats just to really check in with the caregivers. I love how the older caregivers will share their experiences, like, here\u2019s what we had to do, here\u2019s the changes that happened in my house. Being part of this reminded me that I spent so much time caring for this one person, I forgot to make friends.\u201d<\/p>\n Towler cares for her husband following his two deployments to Iraq, and the Military and Veteran Caregiver Network helps her do that by also helping her care for herself.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Learn More<\/b><\/p>\n For further information or to join the MVCN community, visit\u00a0redcross.org\/caregivers<\/a>.<\/p>\n